Thoughts For a Frazzling Moment

Be still...
don't allow yourself to get upset
or let anything anyone says or does
get a rise out of you...
deep breaths go a long way
to help restore inner...and outer...balance...
things are too good in this life...comparatively...
to let bad feelings come in...
or have even a hint of...ungratefulness...
be kind...especially to those you love...
or who love you...and
don't let the little things
come between...
today's disappointment...or treasure...
will be tomorrow's memory...
stored within till the end of your time...
so make it a good one...worth the reliving...

Love Poem 2 * Kinnikinnick

It is to be
the slowest of courtships...
each moment drawn...
every memory made...
in gracious love and caring...
two lives climbing
side by side
towards the same destination...
growing like...kinnikinnick
on the mountain...
leaves touching each other
once in a while...
as their roots...gently...entwine...

Marker in the Time of Healing

The other day...digging deep into a drawer of old music tapes...I came upon an unmarked one...camouflaging as a blank tape...but as I held it in hand I knew that I was holding more than a mere tape of favourite songs...for this particular one had been a marker...over the years...of how tight the past...was still holding on to me... despite how much I had been able to leave behind...where it belonged....
It had been many years since I'd been able to actually listen to the tape...especially one of the songs on it... 'Qu'appelle Valley'...Buffy Ste Marie's beautiful song of hopeful...magical...new love...because of the range of emotions tied to personal events which I had come to associate with that song...and the incredible period in recent Native American history which had brought it forth...
Music has always been such a central part of my life that...I cannot help but associate certain songs and artists with periods of my life...a few of them ever constant...sailing and guiding me through times of hope and times of pain...like old friends who are just...there...to help...through the telling of their lives...their journeys...but which also become... reminders...of the passing of years...of people found and lost...and of life times come and gone......
This song is one of those...which...became actually painful to listen to...so I stopped trying...although every once in while I would test the waters...so to speak...see if I could listen without the welling up of those bittersweet feelings...bringing me back...to where I didn't want to revisit...
So...feeling brave the other day...as my hand reached in and unexpectedly grasped that tape...I put it on... to that song...and waited for that undescribable cutting feeling to start rising from my centre.....but...something else started radiating instead...the feeling...I had the first time I listened to that song...that album...free from my tangled memories good and bad...when only the joyous beauty of the song surrounded me...Buffy's pure music and words eliciting visions of a hope and love...a homecoming... to be reached for...
This is a good sign...and tells me that I've passed another marker in ... this particular...point of healing...and that it's just... about...complete..... It's also really good...just to be able to hear...and again enjoy...that sensuous music... with an open...and dancing...heart...

On Airplanes

Some of my family members flew to the east coast today...on different planes...to different cities...at different times...It was a strange coincidence that...through no coordinated effort...this day had been chosen for them...out of all the other days available...to fly to their separate...yet close...destinations. Since these are the people that I spend a great deal of my...people... time with...it’s a little strange to have them gone...and be thousands of miles away... at the same time.... but...I plan to take advantage...and make good use of...the given hours...of solitude....
Whenever a family member takes a plane...it brings forth to me a lot of feelings and thoughts. I seldom have to fly anywhere...anymore...having taken my share of planes to far off places in my younger days...but remember that sinking feeling when the cabin door was shut...leaving me...trapped...to endure...whatever fate...had in store...on that particular journeying... I soon learned that I didn’t like this outlook and feeling...so worked on the notion of just accepting whatever the consequences of that particular choice...of travel...and on taking the... trapped... feeling out of the experience. I mean...people fly every second of each day...but one does have to be a little bit...crazy...anyway...to step into that huge... heavy... machine... and let some unknown...and unseen... persons... propel one... strapped in...through space distance and time...at ridiculous speeds...to a completely... and sometimes drastically...different space and environment....at which point one is left to mentally and physically adjust to the rapid... confusion... imparted on our bodies...otherwise known as jet...and mind... lag.......................so why worry about it....................
When I see a jet...jet...by...wayway up in sky... my mind often does an x-ray... and images the people sitting... sleeping... conversing..inside that seemingly tiny metal speck...going to or from loved ones...or no one...the journey being joyous... heartbreaking...or of no mind and just a habitual way to commute. The sight has also made me think...more than once...of Indians of the dense Amazon...and of other only recently de-isolated lands...as they must have first looked upon this... shiny ... loud ... mystery ... flying so high in their skies...leaving trails of clouds in its wake.......could they have imagined that people existed on earth who had created such a thing...and that their worlds would one day be invaded...and abruptly and violently turned upside down.........?
But.....impact...or the clash...will..perhaps... be the subject... of another posting...........for now.....I’m just...thankful...again...that my relatives’ feet are landed safely once more upon mother earth...............

Calmness Flows

Calmness flows from inside...
rocking and quieting me
when my minds wants
to jitter and jump...
I have the sense that
it doesn't matter...really...
for...what has come
is more now than before...
each blessing bestowed
is a clue for being
still and sure
in mind body heart spirit...and
brings a reminder...to let patience
move fate...closer...once more....

Jealousy

Jealousy is the killer
of dreams...trust...love...life...
sliding insidiously into a mind
like a leech...sucking and draining out
anything good and pure...
so many relationships destroyed...
too many lives taken...
over imaginations...of betrayal...
simply gone wild and unchecked...
if jealousy could be prosecuted
in the court of human emotions...
it would receive a life sentence
without chance of parole...
or a death sentence
without hope of commutation............

One Moon

I look upon full moon
surrounded by her companion clouds
and take comfort...as often...
in the knowing that my beloved far away
gaze upon the same moon as I...
one moon...visible to us...
even if thousands of miles apart...
bridging space...making the distance seem
not so distant... bringing us closer through
her presence in sky's universal blanket...
ground in common...for these diverse times...

Sign of the Times

I saw the strangest thing in a Boulder parking lot today. A squirrel, drinking heartily from the remains of a squashed coke can...wow...so this is what things have come to... can't help but wonder...what does all that caffeine and sugar do...to a squirrel metabolism......

Eagle Moves

This a.m....feeling rushed and working on not...I ponder what...and when...my next posting will be...when four large birds catch my eyes...circling south of me... eagles...in the city...on some unknown mission. I stop to watch them...this is the pause needed...and given...to be taken...to set the morning back to the correct tempo and outlook. Two glide overhead and continue on...the other two come directly above me...and start their eagle dancing...gracefully moving towards each other in opposite circles. When they meet again...it looks as if they will surely collide...but do a side step at the near point of contact. They continue their circling long enough for me to understand that they...have danced together before...and then move on to join the two gone ahead. It is always a sudden and uplifting sight to see these lofty ones...in the strangeness of the city...unnoticed by most below them. Yet...in this city...it is not a rare sighting...sometimes as many as twenty or more congregate. It is said that in some parts of the country... thousands of bald eagles will be seen flying together...sharing a journey. What an incredible and awe full sight that must be! The largest gathering of eagles in this memory was witnessed in Indian territory...California...during an occupation...for Yurok ancestral...and treaty guaranteed...fishing rights...on the Klamath River. At least one hundred bald eagles...coming and going...gathering in those massive trees...talking vocally as they flew back and forth...making an observer think...know...that they had come there...to that spot...during those days...to lend their presence... and give strength...to the natives of many nations who had gathered on that land... activated ...to help...preserve someone's old ways....... Seeing the eagle always...renews and recenters me... especially on days such as this one...which have a dubious and unsettled beginning......

Hide and Seek

Moon is so beautiful this eve...
wrapped in sun's glowing gold...
she wants to play...I can see...
by the way she hides
behind that passing cloud...
then peeks at me to seek her...............

August 1945 Remembered

Hiroshima...Nagasaki...
twins eternal...decimated...
burned to a crisp
on those fated August days of 6 and 9..
I remember...seeing the images...
of people...melted...into the ground...
instantly...violently...vaporized
to mere outlines of who they were...
I remember...hearing the images...
of people...flesh peeling off limbs...
walking into rivers
to put themselves out...
seventy thousand...
seventy...thousand
gone...in one day...
seventy...thousand...more...
gone...within months...
thousands upon thousands still
ravaged by burns...
radiation disease brewing
and erupting cancers
in the bodies...and offspring...of those
unlucky enough...to survive
the weapons of genocide dropped
in the name of...peace...
by those spewing turned
and twisted reasons
for inducing surrender...
knowing...it had...already...
been promised......
but...
too far along
in their experiment
needing guinea pigs...and
deaf dumb blind to
warnings four times given
by elders of the Four Corners...
they...unleashed...their...
mushroomed...hell...
onto unsuspecting families
old ones...children...babies...
loved...like yours and mine...
living the moments to tomorrow
hopefully...like you and me.......
then...their evil deeds done...
the gloaters...turned their dry eyes
away to forget their
sickening...devastation... of life...
propelling their forward march
of progress backwards...

In the Quiet

In the quiet moments
the memories come...
in those silent moments
it is the memories to be...
shining like beacons
in the calm....
myriad remembances
of lives touched
and touched by...
of loved souls
taken home
leaving lessons....
of old friends seen
too long ago...
and...of that time...
to be danced together...
towards the center...

Grandmother's Aura

Goodness surrounds her in a visible aura... daring those around her... to misbehave...

Burial Mounds

In these mountain meadows, one can often see mounds of large rocks or boulders randomly spread out in no particular or apparent order. I had never thought too much about these mounds or what they might mean...until many years ago when my family was approached by another local family about coming to their home which had a...Ute burial ground...in its front "yard"...a burial ground which very few knew about. These people...non-Indians...had been living in their home for about 10 years at that time...and had felt an uneasiness about having the graves so close...sensing increasingly as time went by, as they told us, that the spirits whose bodies lay below were not at peace. The little they knew about the graves told a story of scores of brave women children and men decimated by disease previously unknown to them...laid to rest near where they had fallen. The current occupants were at a loss about what to do...or who to turn to. They also knew that it was important to keep those grounds undisturbed and free from the political hagglings of organizations or agencies...who might be only too happy to come to that ground to excavate...and to "authenticate" it by declaring it archeological territory. Guided by some inner feeling...they asked us...the only Indian family in the area at the time... for help. I sensed that...being consciencious people...they carried a weight that they could no longer carry alone and which was pressing in on them.
We agreed to go to the sacred ground...not knowing what to expect....and to do what we could in our limited knowledge. In preparation we knew the first step was to make prayer flags and tobacco ties to set on the sites. When we arrived at their home, we saw a low sloping area... mostly free of brush...surrounded by forest. And the mounds...dozens of them...clusters of boulders and rocks...hidden under trees or brush or out in the open... each one carefully and deliberately piled into smaller or larger mounds...to cover and protect the bodies of loved ones laid to rest in that high mountain forest and meadow. Silently...respectfully...we began going to each mound...starting in the forested area...staking the prayer flags and tobacco ties...moving in a clockwise circle to the meadow area. As we did this, a bald eagle appeared from the forest and started circling above us...as if in recognition of what had just taken place. The current "caretakers" of that land were visibly moved and told us that when they first came to live in that home they had seen an eagle there once or twice...but that it had been many years since he had disappeared....
Words are hard to find for...what occurred there that day as we set about...guided by the sacred knowledge of the grandfathers...moving from mound to mound...giving recognition to the spirits of those past occupants of a fallen land. One of the many things it did bring to me though was the ability to see and recognize a seemingly random gathering of boulders in an unmarked field for what they truly are... Indian burial mounds...marking the sacred land of past occupants...their stories now unknown to the current occupants...who were forced to leave their fallen loved ones on these ancestral high grounds... never to return...

Solitary Beacons

Evening star and crescent moon
glow especially strong tonight
catching my eye as I head up the mountain...
homebound...towards them...
all around...the wide open darkening sky
is bare except for the presence of these
constant companions...faithful lovers
hanging low in the dusk sky side by side
their heavenly bodies so close in the vastness
it seems they are turned to each other...
I see the rays flow visibly between them
he basking in her light as she soaks his in...
and cannot help but feel true love
revealed before me
in the tender journey of star and moon...
solitary beacons following their destined paths...
back to each other...through time unending....

Boulder.......2 a.m.

Within the night's quietness
gunshots explode
jolting awake my long awaited sleep...
unmistakable pops bounce and echo
through the silence of the hour
and moments later...on cue...
the franticness of sirens can be heard
wailing and screaming...
rushing and hurrying to catch up
with the drama already set loose
in some bodies' just...changed...lives....

Midnight Moon

Midnight moon
is cloaked in magic tonight...
her pale yellow glow flows softly
through clouds of silver mist...
for a minute...I forget
I am in the mountains...
for...the moon I see shining above
is an ocean's moon...
streaking her shimmering rays peacefully
over the gently rippling water......

Snow Clouds Gathering

Three peer peacefully
from eagle's home this morning...
their white heads accentuating
the snow clouds gathering
low in the mountain sky
to plan their first powwow
of the coming season......

Grandmother's Return

On the eve of my return
to my native land
not beheld by my eyes
nor touched by my feet
since the time of rupture
generations ago...
my mother's mother...
...guide of my life...
appears to me in a dream
packed suitcases at her side
....waiting....
it is the first time...the only time...
grandmother has come to me
since her passing in this land
on a Christmas twenty nine years past.....
the true meaning of this vision eludes me
these seven years lived...although...
theories have come and gone......
until...the dream tweaks
to reveal...a reason....
you see...grandmother knows...
I am returning...and wants to come
but...for her to make the journey back...
back to the land of her relatives
where the spirits of her loved ones wait...
I am to bring her vision with me
to the earth of my birth....
carry her home in the only way
she can travel there...as a thought....
a gentle memory...made real...by a dream.........

Contrasts

Rain envelops my home with large...loud...drops
while thunder rumbles and mumbles overhead...
yet...in the near distance...I can see
the clearness of deep blue sky...
its white puffed clouds...obviously...not...interested
in shedding any tears this day............